How should Christians date?

Since the beginning of the year, or more accurately, the start of the 2nd semester of my first year in university, the question of ‘how should Christians date?’ has been frequently on my mind and lips.

I’m nineteen and have never ventured out on a date (not for lack of suitors — if you can put them as such,) never held hands with a guy, and have never been ‘crazy in love’ (as people so put it,) or even low-key in love. I always keep myself a meter away (mentally if not physically) when a guy approaches. But recently, I’ve been trying to open myself up to the idea of love: that I am a lovable person (that God loves me), and that I (just like every other person, however insignificant we might feel we are — and we really shouldn’t!) deserve to be loved and cherished. This realisation has lead me onto the beginning of my journey of self love and self discovery. It is, admittedly, not the easiest of journeys but I have faith that He will show me His grand plans for me through this process. And hopefully, by His will and grace, I will be able to embrace it all.

But back to my original topic — how should Christians date? After some brief research by going through the Word, reading blog posts and articles online, and speaking to my sisters and friends, I’ve come to the following few conclusions:

  1. “Do not be unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Your partner must love God above all things. Stay away from worldly temptations and support and grow with your partner together in Christ. Keep God the centre of your relationship.

     2. Date frequently but with a future in mind

I have recently noticed that many Christians (including myself) are too focused on the marriage part of a relationship that they miss the getting-to-know-you part of it and thus are too afraid to commit themselves to go out with someone. Dating is a process to get to know each other better, to determine whether or not you are compatible, and whether or not you can help each other grow in Christ. Do not give yourself unreal expectations before or after the first few dates. But of course, never disregard others’ emotions by being a player. Frequently examine your own motives and ask God for strength, guidance and obedience.

      3. Draw a clear line at physical intimacy

Keep yourself pure and clean for God, and save yourself for your future husband or wife. In today’s society where sex is so idolised, physical intimacy might sound very exciting and all, but do not let yourself fall into worldly temptation. Both partners should be responsible in setting limits — mutual boundary keeping reflects maturity.

But the most crucial thing to remember, even after all this talk about dating and romance and love, is that God should always be the first and foremost in our lives.
His plans > my plans. His will > mine. Him > me.
I recently read an article which listed 9 important prayers (and points to keep in mind) for the not-yet-married which I found immensely helpful. Don’t seek love and companionship just for the sake of it or to dispel loneliness. Remember that God can do amazing things through your singleness, and that He is always with you so there is no reason for you to be lonely! (Easier said than done, I know, but keep praying on it!)



With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments… I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways… Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways… Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me. {Psalm 119:10, 15,37, 133}


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